Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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