And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
