Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
