What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
