Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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