Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
