Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
