i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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