if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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