I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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