i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
