I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
