Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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