a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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