I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
