why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
