it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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