I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
