i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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