forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
