A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
