I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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