So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
