You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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