seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize