so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
