Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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