Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
