You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
