she was so not down for the gang bang
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
