i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize