Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
