Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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