I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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