Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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