I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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