Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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