remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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