Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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