I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
