Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
