1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
