I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
