i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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