we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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