Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
