can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
