it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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