Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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