If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
