At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
