p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
