They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is wine microwaveable?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
