just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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