Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
