Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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