He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
