I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
