I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
