Im at strip club and am horny
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
