He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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