I must be too annoying 4 u.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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