I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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