i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
its liver damage thursday
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