I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
