it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
