8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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