piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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