She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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