I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
