I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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