For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
