i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
