Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So many bounce houses so little time
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
