Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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