i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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