Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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