Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We are all done wearing pants today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
