yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
