Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
