I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
