this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
FUCK WHALES
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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