I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
