You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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