I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
